Journal-Times (Grayson, KY)

Wednesday's Post

April 9, 2014

Some political stories are worth retelling

April 9, 2014 — With Kentucky in the midst of the political season, it’s time to share some stories I’ve heard about the art of politicking.

My favorite might be the man who ran for jailer but didn’t fare too well at the ballot box. In fact, he received only a handful of votes.

When he showed up at the local general store the day after the election, he was wearing a big pistol on his hip.

The storekeeper asked why he was wearing a sidearm and got this classic response:

“Any man who ain’t got no more friends than me ought to carry a gun.”

A colleague was a member of a federal grand jury investigating vote fraud with absentee ballots.

The federal prosecutor brought forth a man who freely admitted his part in the crime.

The government lawyer asked the culprit to explain to the grand jury members why he thought it was acceptable to write the names of dead persons on applications for absentee ballots and then to mark the ballots of the deceased.

The accused was quick to respond:

“This is America. Just ‘cause someone died don’t mean they lost their right to vote.”

Then there’s the tale of the skinny little guy who ran for constable just after World War II ended.

A political speakin’ was held at the courthouse.

Candidate after candidate came to the microphone to proudly tell how they’d been wounded in battle or taken prisoner and mistreated or how they had suffered from some jungle disease while overseas in the service.

Finally, it was the constable candidate’s turn to speak. He was not a veteran but he bravely cleared his throat and proudly announced:

“Folks, I know you can’t tell it from looking at me today but I’m the worst ruptured man in this here county.”

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Wednesday's Post
  • When neighbors were really neighbors…

    Lately I’ve been remembering why I’m glad I grew up in a small town where neighbors were really neighbors, not just someone who lived next door or across the road.

    July 16, 2014

  • I don’t have a pet animal but I do have pets

    After a lifetime of listening to friends and co-workers talk incessantly about their pets, I have decided to share some words about mine…my pet peeves.

    July 9, 2014

  • I make no apologies for loving my country

    Friday is the birthday of the United States of America. As an American, I’m incredibly proud of that fact.

    July 2, 2014

  • Can’t everyone grow their own vegetables?

    The sight of home vegetable gardens brings to mind a gardening adventure worth sharing. My friend and I heard someone say at church that growing your own vegetables could save money while providing your family with better, fresher food.

    June 25, 2014

  • ‘Let’s go fly a kite’ is more than a song title

    Are you concerned that too many kids today are preoccupied with handheld electronic devices and don’t know how to play outdoors? I, too, shared those feelings until a recent visit to the seashore with my grandchildren.

    June 18, 2014

  • Old ways, old days sometimes look better

    Dr. Jack Ellis, Morehead’s senior resident historian and a dear friend, sent me a copy of a clipping from the Jan. 24, 1935, issue of the Rowan County News, now called The Morehead News. “Woman fined in county court for gossiping” is the headline.

    June 11, 2014

  • Where do we find such men…and women?

    The tiny American flags fluttered in the breeze of a beautiful day. The hillside cemetery outside Grayson seemed to be covered with them like spring flowers. Again, I was awestruck by the sight of so many red, white and blue symbols of personal courage and patriotism.

    June 4, 2014

  • The ups and downs of a political journey

    In the spirit of this political season, I am recounting the tale of an affable chap who loved politics but found the winner’s circle only once.

    May 28, 2014

  • Boys of summer bring good memories

    May 21, 2014

  • An enduring act of respect for a stranger

    Anyone encountering a funeral procession for the first time will never forget it. A police car with flashing lights is followed by a hearse carrying a coffin and behind that is a string of cars and an occasional truck.

    May 14, 2014