Journal-Times (Grayson, KY)

Wednesday's Post

December 26, 2012

The sartorial secrets of a fat man

Dec. 26, 2012 —     In the spirit of the season of giving, I am sharing information on how a chubby man might look a bit slimmer without dieting.

    First, you must be willing to buy new clothes occasionally and also be comfortable with some wardrobe deception.

    Most men face the prospect of steadily increasing waistlines. In addition to pants, that expansion also affects shirt and coat sizes and the length of neckties.

    That last item may surprise you but it is vital that the tip of the necktie always reach your beltline.

    If not, that tie hanging halfway down your shirt looks like a pointer to your pot belly.

    Wearing extra long ties should solve the problem nicely. A regular tie can be worn long by attaching the short end securely to the long end.

    Your beltline should be as close to the navel as possible, the way many of us learned to wear our uniforms while in the military.

    Those who routinely let their belt slip under their belly, otherwise known as “dunlop disease,” may want to stop reading if they’re not willing to pull up their pants.

    By the way, “dunlop” gets its name from the obvious fact that the belly “done lopped over the belt.”

    Letting pants ride low on your hips – although fashionable in many places – emphasizes girth and might expose that vertical cleavage behind you.

    And, as the waistline grows, make sure you get longer belts. Each should be at least 1.5 inches wide so they won’t roll under your waistband.

    New belts always should be the same style and color so that no one notices you’re wearing a bigger one.

    Shirts, too, must grow as your waistline does. Front buttons straining to hold the shirt together are a sure sign of extra weight.

    And that’s really obvious if your collar is too tight. Big guys shouldn’t buy shirts with button-down collars if they wear ties. They will roll, instead of spreading flat like a pointed or straight collar.

    Another mistake is to use a collar extender that allows you to wear a too-small shirt.     That flexibility might feel good but your collars won’t lay right and you might pop some buttons.

    As for pants, buy bigger ones as your waist grows, maintaining the same style and color so it’s not obvious that the others are too small. The same goes for suits and sport coats.

    My wife says a better title for this piece might have been “what to do when your hunk becomes a chunk.”

1
Text Only
Wednesday's Post
  • What happened to the art of roasting?

    I was channel surfing recently when I happened upon one of those late night programs selling videos of old television shows.

    April 16, 2014

  • Some political stories are worth retelling

    With Kentucky in the midst of the political season, it’s time to share some stories I’ve heard about the art of politicking.

    April 9, 2014

  • What happened to the safety of childhood?

    In the years before air conditioning, we slept soundly and safely with the screen door often unlatched. Our family home never had a working lock on an outside door until our parents died and it became a rental property.

    April 2, 2014

  • Memory of an old foe brings reflections

    We hadn’t seen each other for about 50 years but his face came instantly to mind when I saw his obituary. He was three years older and newly out of the military when we met as college freshmen.

    March 26, 2014

  • Parents have always scared kids straight

    The tactic of “scared straight” has been used for several years to shock misbehaving teenagers by exposing them to short stints in a jail or prison cell. But that concept actually started when a mother first told a scary tale to keep her kids from doing something dangerous.

    March 19, 2014

  • She was ‘a ghost with a beating heart’…

    Be warned that this is a tragic tale of someone who couldn’t believe that others loved her for the person she was.

    March 12, 2014

  • The one-eyed monster that changed our lives

    I’m not exactly sure of the date but was at least 25 years ago when that “thing” came out of a storage closet and changed my life forever. It was a personal computer.

    March 5, 2014

  • More stuff I wish I’d said or written…

    The old sports writer wasn’t happy when the editor asked him to cover a high school band concert after another reporter became ill.

    February 26, 2014

  • Out of the mouths of babes come good words

    As the grandfather of 16 I’m constantly amused or impressed by the things our grandkids say and do. Here’s another sampling.

    February 19, 2014

  • We must say what we feel in our hearts

    He was a proud old sailor, a veteran of World War II, and he was anxious to tell me about a book written by one of his former shipmates on a destroyer in the Pacific.

    February 12, 2014

Poll